Sunday, September 23, 2012

Learning Curve

July 30, 2012.  D-Day.  "D" meaning diagnosis in this case. Of course I wasn't really surprised.  I had to do the research and press my PCP for a referral after he tried to wave my symptoms off as a pinched nerve when I finally went to him after 4 months of  issues in April.  Then I had to advocate for myself with the neurologist because my symptoms weren't "normal" Multiple Sclerosis symptoms and my brain MRI only showed one lesion.  I was still having symptoms, though.  I wanted more tests done.  I wanted to know why my body was rebelling against me and not doing what I was telling it to and not wait another year like this neurologist wanted to.  Luckily she listened to me.  After a spinal MRI showed 7 lesions and a spinal tap showed 22 O-bands and an elevated IgG, that was good enough for her to believe me.  I guess it is still like having a rug pulled out from under you, though.  One of my symptoms was vision problems-though they only lasted a few days and I didn't get into the Neuro-Opthamologist (Dr. that deals with vision problems that relate to the nervous system) until about a month after this symptom, so the only damage was some thinning of the optic nerve.  Not great, but not terrible.  This was still a big deal to me, though.  I have 3 kids, all girls, 11, 8 and 5.  What if one day I wake up and can't see, or can't walk.  One of my main ongoing issues is pain in my legs, and it gets worse as the day goes on or I do more or over exert myself (more on that later).  I get up a lot of the time and stumble around like someone who has had a long hard night of partying.  I used to wear flip-flops all the time (unless it is the winter and then it is boots) and can't wear them anymore. *tear* I have to wear actual shoes and my feet are screaming to escape.  Yes, I can hear them.  But my toes can't hold onto the flip-flops half-the time and the other half  the dragging or flopping action, if you will, would make me trip.  I was a trippin' fool, falling all over the place.  I have actually given up my flip-flops for safety reasons.  If you look out of your windows, you will see cute little pigs with wings up in the sky.  Oh, yeah, my KIDS...  Jeez.   Getting sidetracked is another huge issue.  Hate the thought that something is going to happen and I am not going to be able to take care of my babies.  My perfect beautiful girls.  So I fight.  I am SOOOOO going to try and not be a "poor me" kind of person.  That isn't healthy, right?  But every once in awhile a girl needs a good cry or a good bitch session.  But stress makes this disease worse, so can't do that on a daily basis. :)  This stupid disease comes with a learning curve.  You have a symptom and start getting used to it, and it changes.  Or you think that the symptom doesn't have anything to do with the MS, but then you find out it does...Every day you realize something new, and you keep on fighting.

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